Staying uncomfortable.

This has probably been one of the most challenging seasons of my life. I have had the privilege of seeing many of my dreams come true, but I have also seen my entire world crumble. The recent mental, emotional, and physical adversity is nothing like I have ever encountered. That speaks volumes coming from someone who has suffered from mental illnesses in the past. You’re not alone if it seems like your world has been flipped upside down, me too.

While facing more questions than I have answers to about what life looks like moving forward, I am thankful for the community I have. I am honored to be loved and cared for by people who love Jesus. To be prayed for brings peace. To receive encouragement brings hope. To be surrounded by Christians who know what you’re going through brings assurance. I am so grateful for my family and friends, but the funny this is everyone is doing things wrong. Let me explain.

As strange as this sounds, the encouragement, assurance, and affirmations are surprisingly less helpful than people understand. It sucks that we’re moving, and the best way to support me during this time is by getting uncomfortable with me. That’s what I need. I need people to be fully present in the stress, confusion, and pain that I feel. Sit with me in the discomfort. Embrace the pain. Walk in the confusion with me. The gospel changes everything which includes my perspective as I walk through uncertainty. It’s bizarre, so let me do my best to explain.

Though this has been an atrocious couple of months, I have never felt more confident in God’s plan. I am certain that God is going to do the most remarkable things through Ben’s new job opportunity. I am positive that the Southeast is where my husband and I are supposed to be. I am at peace with our future because God is in total control. I am not worried about God’s flawless plan. Everything will be okay, and I know it. This is why I say I do not necessarily need encouragement or affirmation. I am relaxed about our future because it’s all in God’s hands. But because I am comfortable with the future, I need you to get uncomfortable with the present. 

I am not concerned in the slightest about our future. I am not worried about living on the other side of the country, locating a church, finding a community, or even working a new job. I know that we will figure it out. I know that God will provide. I know that this is precisely where God is sending us. I am confident that it will be more than okay, but in the meantime, the best way to help is by meeting me my present thoughts and feelings.

Currently, this all stinks. Figuring out all of the moving logistics is overwhelming. Thinking about leaving our loved ones in Washington is heart-shattering. Quitting my dream engineering position is disappointing. Applying for another job is stressful. Attempting to live “normally” as my mental, emotional, and physical health slowly deteriorates is grueling. Though I am confident in the future, the present is ugly and uncomfortable. This is where Jesus meets me.

The tone is always difficult to encapsulate in writing, so if it seems like I’m picking on my loved ones for offering encouragement, I’m failing to convey my main takeaway. This is a story about how I am learning to be comfortable in the uncomfortable. I’m learning for the first time what it’s like to embrace the doubt and to sit in discomfort. I’m learning for the first time to take a step back and welcome the present instead of being so future-minded. Within these last few months, I’ve learned so much more about who God is. He is better than I could ever imagine. 

It’s because of my questions that I’m able to trust God as my Provider. It’s because of my brokenness that I can truly see God as my source of Comfort. It’s because of this crummy situation that I can see God’s Plan is perfect. It’s because of the uncertainty that I can better comprehend that Jesus is all that I need. Jesus is enough. The meaning of those sentences weighs more now because of everything that has happened.

My husband and I are moving in the next month or so. The process is uncomfortable, stressful, and frustrating at times, but because I’m learning to embrace those thoughts and feelings, I have greater confidence in who Jesus is. God has a purpose for every step of this journey and I am continually discovering what that means.

What does life look like as a Christian? What does life look like after you get saved? It could look like this. I create these posts to document how Jesus changes everything. I write about my life to reflect on God’s faithfulness. I’m not saying you should follow Jesus to be like me, but follow Jesus because He is Lord. He is the Only Way. There’s another way to do life and it’s by pursuing Jesus, the Author of our Universe. 



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