All Eyes on Me / Part 5

The last time I wrote an “All Eyes on Me” post was over two years ago. That’s insane. Firstly, thank you to everyone who keeps up and finds time to read these and learn about what I’m up to. It means a lot that you would take time out of your precious day to see what this weird college kid is up to. Thank you, truly.

As I was looking through old posts, I realized I haven’t updated you all in awhile. I want to say the last you heard, I was sent to the emergency room. Because other than that, I’ve been writing more advice and posts related to apologetics. And yeah, I mention minor details about what’s new in my life, but it’s been a bit since I’ve dedicated 1000+ words on my life. So back to that emergency room post, quick update: I went to physical therapy over winter break and my back is mostly good, solid 87% healed. I’ve been able to work out regularly again! Praise God! But aside from that… here’s what’s been happening. Here’s what’s going on.

ACADEMICS: Currently, with everything going on with COVID-19, all my mechanical engineering classes were moved online. It’s been strange to watch lectures and take tests from home, but it’s working. I moved out of UCU, that Christian-housing place I’ve been at since my first year, but I’ll move right back in once it all becomes safe again, but for now, home it is. I’m a junior so I’m finishing up the last handful of mechanical engineering fundamental classes and what they say about your junior year is all true; junior year is tough. We all know I don’t get enough sleep, but man, it was definitely worse this year.

I’m really thankful for the friends I have in my major. I don’t even know how I would pass my classes without them. They’re just a handful of great people who are going to make some awesome mechanical engineers. Most of the time we would all do homework together and study with one another and even with COVID-19 and thanks to Zoom, we still can and we still do.

Junior year is so close to over…almost there, less than two months. Next year I’ll be taking all the classes that I need for my focus in biomechanics. I will graduate in June 2021. I’m definitely pumped for that. But in the meantime, UW online is doable for the time being. My days consist of being in my room for like 10 hours (not counting when I’m asleep) and many Zoom meetings somewhat scattered throughout the day – some of them going a little late into the night, but it’s doable and I’m glad that I can still do school while being stuck indoors.

LIFESTYLE: Originally, it was physically, mentally, and emotionally hard to accept that I was going to have to stay inside. I don’t think I realized how many of my hobbies involved me going outdoors until everything blew up with COVID-19. I can’t go to the gym anymore. I can’t get coffee with friends anymore. I can’t go on photoshoots anymore. And let me be honest, of course, there are still times where I just want to go out, that’s probably a thought that I have every hour, at least. It’s all still emotionally hard, but it’s gotten significantly better. I’ve created a pretty solid schedule for myself and I thrive on schedules so it’s much easier to stay inside all day. Would you believe me if I told you that I still get up at 5am? I guess some habits never change…

Admittedly, I (lovingly) teased people who only did calisthenics (workouts with only body weight), but because I can’t go out and lift (heavy) anymore, it’s forced me to mainly do calisthenic workouts and don’t tell anyone, but I actually really enjoy them now haha. Pull-ups are fun! Push-ups are fun! So far, I’ve worked out every single day since I moved back home and it’s been good. I like where I’m at when it comes to my workout schedule.

When I went to school, I created an 8-hour schedule for myself so I could think of it as a job and I surprisingly still have that motivation and it’s working here at home. I’m thankful for a laptop. I’m thankful for a desk and I’m thankful that I can close the door to my room when it gets way too loud. So, it’s working out, this is the new normal for the time being and I don’t mind it, but pray for my motivation…please haha. I need it to last for at least a couple more months.

SOCIAL: My heart hurts. I miss my friends so much. Before all of this, I was living in a Christ-centered community with 44 other people. I really miss them, all of them. I’m grateful that we live in a world where texting and video-calling exists, but I really want to hug my friends. It feels like there’s just this empty spot in my heart and it’s really lonely. With this whole quarantine, it’s not even that I’m fearful about the future, nor am I going crazy at home, the hardest part is I’m just lonely. That’s not a diss on my family. They’re great, but you know what I mean. I just miss my friends. I’m thankful that we are able to make the most of it, especially with my UCU friends. We still have weekly Bible study and prayer time over Zoom.

On the flip side of that, I’m thankful to be able to spend so much time with my family. We don’t always get along perfectly, no family does, but because we’re trapped in this house together. Because of the quarantine, it forces us as a family to grow in our relationship and I thank God for that. This is all good. It’s awesome to spend time with my siblings. We are all so different, yet all made in the image of Christ. I just love that. I’m thankful that we have movie and game nights a couple times throughout the week, I’m glad we can walk the dog together, it’s great that we can get creative with indoor photography. Praise God for all of that. My youngest sister is slowly learning to bake and although being in a kitchen stresses me out, it’s cool to watch her learn and help her out when needed.

FAITH: By far the best part of this quarantine is having no excuse to skip “Jesus-time”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still incredibly busy with school, but even when you just cut out the time it would take to walk to class or the commute to the gym, it begins to add a little bit of extra time to your schedule. I’ve been able to really dig more into the Bible during this quarantine and I am thankful for that! I’ve been using this time to re-fall in love with Jesus and it’s been so wonderful. Especially now, as I’ve been feeling lonely and drained from staying inside and away from friends. By reading His word, I’m being reminded of who I am because of Christ. I am reminded of my value and my worth. Despite what the world says, I know who I am and He gets all the glory. Jesus loves me. Jesus loves you. I need prayers, friends, please pray for my relationship with Christ to deepen. Pray that I can become the woman of God that I am called to be. Pray that I can be reminded of God’s overwhelming love for me. Pray that I can know my worth in Christ alone.

I think it’s easy to not see a lot of hope in the world with everything that’s going on, but we do have hope, His name is Jesus. We can be reminded of His love, goodness, and His promises just by reading the Bible. He is so good, all the time. I promise you that. He is faithful. To my Christian and non-Christian friend, with everything going on in the world, can I just encourage you to read the Bible? I can try my hardest to explain the goodness of God, but the Bible can explain it a million times better than me. If you don’t know where to start, start with the book of John. 

That’s basically it. That’s how my life is going right now. Thank you for reading. Thank you for all the support. Continue to stay inside. Surround yourself with Scripture and remind one another of the goodness of God. Stay safe, friends.

For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken,” says the Lord, who has mercy on you.

Isaiah 54:10