As I frantically pack all my belongings and say my goodbyes to my family and friends, I don’t feel ready.
I am overwhelmed with every possible emotion you could think of. I’m happy to start this new beginning. I’m nervous. I’m sad. I’m worried. I move in on Friday and I’m not ready.
As I get settled in and begin working on my major, I feel like everybody is going to be watching me for the next few years. Maybe that is a little selfish and arrogant to assume, because honestly, who would be watching? Who cares?
Maybe it’s all the “good luck”s and the “I know you’re going to do well” phrases that I’ve heard all summer that makes me think everybody is watching. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’ll start college and no one will care, but what if I’m right? What if more people are watching than I realize?
Honestly, I’ve had a wonderful summer. For those of you who do not know, I ended up with two mechanical engineering internships, surprisingly. They were great and I learned a lot. I’m very grateful for the opportunities I’ve had.
To the people who know about my internships, with you now included, I feel like everyone expects me to do well and to be successful. Part of it was constantly being praised by family, friends, and especially coworkers, for being on top of it. I was very shocked to have such amazing opportunities this summer and others made it clear that they were shocked and happy for me too.
The phrases and compliments I heard constantly replay in my head as school is approaching. Maybe it’s because I’m overwhelmed, or maybe it is the reason why I’m overwhelmed. I feel like everyone is watching and waiting to see how I do at the University of Washington, as I am pursuing a mechanical engineering degree. I don’t know your personal background knowledge, but if you did not know this already, any sort of engineering degree is very math and science based which requires you to take several rigorous courses.
I feel like all eyes are on me. If I’m ambitious or “smart” enough to intern at two different companies this summer, I must be “smart” enough to get a mechanical engineering degree. I know my family, friends and I want to see myself do well, but what if I fail?
- What if the engineering courses are too difficult?
- What if I can’t get into my major?
- What if I’m not “good-enough” for engineering?
To those who know me, maybe you think it’s ridiculous for me to even ask those kinds of questions, or maybe it’s completely valid.
The one thing I learned through my internships is I really want to be a mechanical engineer. With the experience I’ve had so far, this is what I want to do and this is the path I see God pointing me towards.
But what if I’m not enough? What if I can’t do it? What if everyone is watching to see me succeed and I prove them wrong?
What if all eyes are on me just to see me fail?